Week three of our parrot shifters! This time we’ve got Heather Lire. I hope you’re all having as much fun as I am with these. 😀 Entertaining and it gives you an idea as to the author, and her sense of humor (and writing style)!
If you’re new to this and wondering WTF is going on… a while back I was on twitter asking for book recommendations. But I said one thing I did not want was an erotic romance that was “OMGWTFBBQ (eg m/m/m/f/m/f/cow/m/parrotshifter/m/f/m).” And then all these people were “that’s hilarious – I’d read that!” So then I thought “I must make this happen!!!” And I did – with the help of these awesome authors.
Alejandro cracked open one eye at the raucous laughter in front of him. Spying the three idiots double over, holding onto each other he swore, “Holy fucking crrrrackers.” All he wanted was a little piece and quiet away from the flock he was now in charge of. A flock full of idiot bird brains.
Okay maybe the bird brain thing was a little harsh, after all they were parrot shifters. And no one took them seriously. Especially after some idiot a hundred years ago decided to act in front of others and the whole “Polly want a cracker” came about.
And cue the idiots “Polly want a cracker?” They called from the other side of the mesh screen. He really should have killed them a long time ago. To bad his mamá would pluck his feathers if he did. She seemed to love them, he hadn’t been able to figure out why she did, but there it was.
He ignored the bird calls coming from his brothers and shifted on the tree branch he was currently perched on till his tail feathers faced them. He tucked his head under his wing and feigned sleep. Maybe if he ignored them long enough they would go away.
Miguel stared at the back of Alejandro in confusion. He didn’t understand why he didn’t just shift and walk out of the bird enclosure. There had to be more going on then he knew. He got his brother’s frustration with the way things were with the flock, but for the wing leader to take a vacation now, and to end up in a bird habitat of all places. This spoke of desperation.
The door to the parrot pavilion opened and it all made sense. In his brother’s feathers he’d have done the same thing.
“Duuuude. Where did she come from and how do I get in there for some carino.”
“Hijole, Jose-Jalapeno-on-a-stick. No wonder Jandro is hiding out here.”
“Fucking Jeff Dunhem, I told you not to call me that.”
“Well if you would stop acting like him we wouldn’t call you that.”
Miguel ignored the banter between his brothers, Pedro and Jose-Jalapeno-on-a-stick. He was watching the feathers on the back of Jandro, and from the way they were ruffling and twitching he would bet his prized Pelé jersey the sports illustrated swimsuit cover worthy female was the real reason his brother was hiding out in the habitat.
Seleña walked into the parrot pavilion, determined to figure out what it was about the new parrot that bugged her. He didn’t behave like the others. In the two days he’d been under her care he hadn’t chirped once. And when she’d picked him up, he stared at her with eyes she swore were more human than bird.
A commotion at the front of the exhibit had her turning to see what was going on. The sight of the three men standing there made her heart race in anticipation. There could only be one reason they were here. She strode over to the bird who was the current focus of all her attention. Hands on her hips she met his unblinking eyes.
“Alejandro Ignacio Rafael Armenta Castro, you change into a man right now.”
He shook his head no, and gestured with his head. Crap! He couldn’t change right then. It was the middle of the day and people were walking all around. When he shifted he would be naked. Not that she would complain about seeing his naked body, as it was one of the sexiest she’d seen. But she didn’t want other women to see it.
“I’ll be back tonight with clothes. And then we will discuss why you felt it necessary to hang out here.”
When she’d ran into Alejandro during Carnival they’d reconnected after years of not seeing each. She’d grown up in the same flock as him, until her dad had received a job transfer. In the weeks since then however she’d not had the chance to see him in his bird form. Hell she hadn’t been able to see him at all, as she’d been in the States until two days ago. The thought of seeing him tonight however had her body tingling in places it hadn’t tingled in far too long.
Alejandro waited until the last light went on before he flew to the wall opening where the door to the pavilion was located. In a flash of vibrant colors the same shade as his feathers he shifted into a man. Seleña would be arriving soon, and he wanted to be a man instead of bird when she showed. A rustling sound on the other side of the door alerted him of her arrival. He moved behind a tree so he didn’t shock her with his naked body. Not that he wouldn’t object if she wanted to see it. Because he sure are hell wanted to see hers.
“Alejandro are you ready for me?”
He glanced down his body, yep he was ready for her. From the way she was hesitating, he figured she didn’t mean that way.
“Yes, I’m ready.”
The door cracked open and a bag from the gift shop came flying at him. He caught and pulled the items out. A pair of tan cargo shorts with the habitat’s logo on the hem, and a…no he was imagining what he saw. She wouldn’t have. He lifted the shirt up to the light. She had.
“What the fuck.” He growled. “I’m not wearing this shirt Seleña.”
She opened the door and stood silhouetted from the lights in the hallway behind her. “Why not?”
“Because there are Toucan Sam birds all over it. And it looks like of those shirts you buy because you’re on vacation and your luggage was lost.”
“And your point is.”
“I’m the wing leader of the Pacu Cua Parrot Clan, that’s why.”
Her response, a single raised eyebrow.
“I’m going to assume you want to know why I was here?” He groused.
“I have to admit I’m curious as to what would make you hide here of all places.”
He mumbled under his breath.
“What was that?”
“It was an accident.” He shouted.
She blinked. “An accident?”
“Yes, a go…awdy accident. I knew you were due back and I wanted to surprise you and take you to dinner, so I flew in. I’d just perched on a tree outside the pavilion when someone threw a net over me. I had to stay in bird form because there was a crowd around. They’d assumed I’d escaped the parrot pavilion so they brought me here. I simply decided once I was here, it was a good place as any to hang for a couple of days and wait to see you again.”
Seleña wasn’t sure what to make of Alejandro’s story. For him to be caught unaware like that he had to have been distracted by more than the thought of seeing her again. Looking at his face, she had to admit he did look more rested then the last time she’d seen him.
Then he’d been tracking the whereabouts of his brother. Which is how he’d literally ran into her, knocking her to the ground. She wondered.
“What did your brother do this time?”
“Jose-jalapeno-on-a-stick has decided he wants to be a professional surfer and beach bum. Mí mamá is upset by this, and so by extension I’m upset because she will harass and pester me about till I want to pluck all my feathers out and dive off the top of Iguazu Falls.”
Seleña remembered his mother María, otherwise known as Santa María. She was always carrying her rosary beads with her, mumbling prayers at everyone she passed. And if you dared to take the Lord’s name in vain she would gasp and go off like the Hispanic cleaning lady in Goonies. Then she would lecture you about how it was God or Jesúcristo’s fault you’d screwed up. As a result whenever anyone swore it always come out sounding different.
“So what did you decide? And I can’t believe you call your brother by that name.”
“Why not? He acts like the damn puppet of that American comedian. I’ve decided that I’m going to take you out to dinner, hang around Rio for a couple of weeks, and go back after he’s already left.”
“And what about the flock?”
“I have a cell phone and laptop. My assistant can call me if anything needs to be handled immediately, otherwise my seconds can take care of everything.”
“In that case I say, let’s eat.”
She held out her hand, and he slid his into it. Together they walked out of the parrot pavilion.
Neither one noticed the three parrots perched on the top of the mesh covering over them, all with looks of unholy glee in their eyes.
Bio: Heather Lire has been telling stories for as long as she has been talking, at least according to her mother. After years spent in academia Heather was encouraged to share the stories she was writing and sending to her sister with the rest of the world.
When she isn’t writing – which is never – she can be found attending whatever sport her sons are playing at that time, accompanying her husband on his photo shoots and playing online.
For more information on Heather and what she’s currently working on please visit her website.
I’m laughing about the inclusion of ‘cow’ and then this – just a riot thank you!!!
Heather, I was shrieking when I read this the first time 😀 I love all the little subtle inclusions that give this short depth. Very clever, and you get many bonus points and gold stars.
Thank you for being such a good sport! <3
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