Hi friends! So we’re well into June [GAH!] – and this birthday month hasn’t felt very celebratory or anything, so I’m hoping that comes about soon. This is another good contribution though – as you see we’ve got Dorothy F. Shaw visiting with us today! She’s a first time guest so everyone give her a warm welcome!! Dorothy opted for an author interview – a style which was unique to ALBTALS when I started asking these zany questions, and it should be good – she’s a lot of fun. 😀
If you could choose your age forever, what age would you choose and why?
Being the vain person that I am, I would choose age 29… because duh, at 29 everyone is wrinkle free (or they should be). However, I would HAVE to still know all that I know about life now.
If you had your human body, but the head of an animal, what animal would you pick? Why?
I used to have a tattoo on my hip of a female half bird/half human. However the artist didn’t do a very good job and she looked more like a harpy…(not pretty AT ALL. Go google it.) It’s been covered up by my now ex-husband who is an awesomely talented tattoo artist. So, does that count? Sort of? LOL Okay, fine. I’d be a cougar…because, yeah, 40s…Rawr.
Would you rather wake up with a different face with the same gender, or a different gender with the same face? What would your new look be?
Different face, same gender for sure. I would choose my mother’s skin rather than my father’s. Mom is half Italian, half Portuguese so she has fantastic skin! My new look would not include the matching set of luggage under my eyes or the eleven between my brows. =P
What is the funniest prank ever played on you? What is the best prank that you played on someone?
My sister is 9 years older than me and because our mother worked nights, she had to watch me a lot. This was in the mid to late seventies, and she had her own phone line. She used to prank call the house and make me answer the phone, claiming that she was talking to one of her friends and that it could be mommy calling. I’d answer, in complete fear and she’d say into the receiver “Have you checked the children?” In her most sinister sounding whisper. Now, if you don’t know what movie that quote is from then I’m done with you. LOL —I suppose I didn’t think it was funny (at the time) but she thought it was fucking hilarious. And still does.
Best prank I ever played was April fools 2014: I texted my boss that I got a 3 book deal with an advance so large I was going to be able to stop working. He totally fell for it. “Oh! Wow…um thats…good for you and not so good for me.” I laughed pretty damn hard before I finally answered him wishing him a happy April fools.
What is the naughtiest thing you have done in school? At your job? At a conference?
School: Smoking cigarettes in the bathroom and the parking lot. Kinda boring, huh?
Work: This is by far the naughtiest, but if I told you, I’d have to kill you. And then me. And a few people at the office. But rest assured, it was very naughty…And I’d do it again in a hot second.
Conference: Honestly, nothing yet. Sad but true. Until this past year, I was married and I was pretty damn well behaved. So…bring on the naughtiness!!!!
**I’ll add that most of the naughty things I did in my life were after high school and before I married my 1st and then 2nd husband. (I’m not looking for a 3rd) Basically: age 21 to 24. Booze and boys, darlin.
What’s the best admonishment your mom ever gave you, or that you’ve ever given a kid? e.g. if you make that face it’ll freeze like that. or… if you walk from the kitchen to the table w/ a fork in your mouth you’ll stab yourself through the throat and die.
My mother and my two aunts were all registered nurses, so I didn’t get too many of these far fetched things. However, my mother did say that you should never pop a zit thats right at the base of a nostril. You know those little ones that hurt so bad your eyes water if you touch them? Yeah, those…anyway, she used to say not to pop those because if you do you could shoot a clot (don’t ask me how) and get a brain aneurism. To this day, I have no idea if this is true.
My Noni used to tell my cousins and me when we were kids that if we didn’t behave then the wolf in the basement was going to wake up and come upstairs and get us. Apparently my family is all about terrorizing children.
What is a weird habit that you have?
I currently have 3 human cremains of family members and two Canine’s on the shelves in my family room.
If you could get away with it, what family member would you kill off and why? >.> What about author?
Holy shit…what if a family member reads this? LOL Do ex-husbands count? Nah, not them, I’m lucky in that I still like both of them. Ummm…Jeez this sounds so bad, but I’d probably kill off my father’s sister–she’s a bitter woman. And mean so I’d be doing her a favor.
As far as an author goes…Limecello, I’m convinced you might be a tad evil on the inside. LOL But then again, we did hang out in Denver once. Do you even remember that???
You get to take any animal you want home from the National Zoo. Which one do you pick? Why?
I’m not an animal person. Truly. Wait, my 12 yr old just said it would have to be something tame-able, soft and cuddly and wouldn’t interfere with our cat. Now, he’s saying, a Panda Bear – a baby one…and I just looked at him like he was nuts. He said, because they bleat like a goat, they’re cuddly and adorable, they sleep more than the cat so it wouldn’t bug her and uhhh…they’re black and white. (That all came from #2 demon spawn.) What? This just became a family interview. LOL
What was the first concert you ever went to? Who did you go with? And – if they (the band and the people) are still around – would you go again?
Lita Ford/Britney Fox and Tesla – I went with my best friend, Marchelle and some other friends and her awesome mother who I always wanted to be my mother. I would totally see Lita and Tesla again, in fact, I’ve seen Tesla a bunch of times. =)
What would your street [nick]name be? Why?
Oh, I have a few. Wookiesgirl (But I got divorced so this one no longer applies, though there will only ever be one Wookies Girl.) The Red Queen because…yes. Queen Bitch, because, yep that too. And Tenacious D…but sadly my Unicorn doesn’t call me that anymore.
What’s the most unique/strange silly skill your possess? When or how did you acquire it?
I have the ability to attract broken people, from every corner of the earth. Even online. It’s a thing. I was born with it. I can also tap dance.
What is one question you always wish as an author people would ask but nobody ever does?
Okay, Limecello, this one stumped me. I’m still thinking………………….. Nope. Still nothing.
A twisted fairy offers you perfect health. You’ll never be sick or get a migraine again. The catch is you’ll break a bone every three years until your 75th birthday. Nothing crippling, but still a break. (Anything from a femur to your pinky toe.) Do you take the offer?
What do you think is the best commercial of all time?
What new author do you know that has time to watch TV? I suppose I could name some Super Bowl commercial, but that would just be me BSing you. And thats just not my style. So, my answer is, what new author do you know that has time to watch TV? LOL
I think that about wraps it up. Thanks for letting me play, chica!
Since this is a technical Guest Author & A Giveaway – there should be some sort of giveaway attached – I think that got lost in the flurry of emails, so I’ll let you know what Dorothy is offering once we’ve got that sorted!
In the meantime, what questions do you have for Ms. Shaw? Anything you can think of is all fair game! 😉
*ETA: Dorothy is offering a $20 gift card to Amazon! Whoo! That’s a great prize right there! So … >.> nobody enter and it’s mine, mkay? *angelface*