My friends, Ruthie Knox is pretty much the best ever. And I mean ever. I am absolutely certain she thinks I’m not all there – like if it weren’t attached to my body, my head would float away. >.< She’s also a rockstar because she has been totally accommodating and chose one of the [in]famous ALBTALBS interviews. 😀 [To our new friends, that means an off the wall totally random unprofessional set of questions.] And remember Ruthie also shared an exclusive excerpt with us earlier this month. Really, it’s like the month of Ruthie, not Lime. 😉 Whee!
1. If you were told the only way an evil entity could be imprisoned forever was if it lived in a boil behind your ear, would you agree?
If it was a really evil entity, and the boil was fairly small, yes. And I would probably enjoy fondling the boil, truth be told. But if it was only a moderately evil entity and/or a large boil, then no, thank you.
2. What is one question you always wish as an author people would ask but nobody ever does?
“How many months has it been since you wrote [current release]? How much awesome is the book that you’re currently working on, which won’t be out until [far-off future date]?”
3. You have to be on a reality TV show. Which one do you pick? Why? Which one would you absolutely refuse to go on?
Oh! I would like to be on one of those living-in-a-cool-house ones, like Real World or Big Brother. Something with high levels of interpersonal drama not only possible but encouraged. I would SO unleash my inner drama queen. I couldn’t bear to be on The Bachelor. Firstly, because I’ve never seen a season where the bachelor himself wasn’t a total d-bag. And secondly because I have no feminine wiles and don’t wish to pretend I do, much less be judged on that basis against other women.
4. If you could switch places with someone for 72 hours, whose life would you want to live?
I would like to live the life of eighteen-year-old me. I would tell myself to break up with my nice-but-not-worth-this-much-of-my-time boyfriend and sleep around like a fiend. Because otherwise, what is the point of college?
5. What’s the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you at school? How about at a conference or author/reader event?
In eighth grade, a boy who I had never noticed before delivered a note to my classroom for me. The teacher gave it to me, then asked me after I read it if I was okay, because apparently I looked mortified and like my grandmother had died or something, but actually it was because IT WAS A LOVE NOTE. FROM A BOY I DIDN’T KNOW. Then that same day he called me at home and I was kind of mean to him, because I don’t deal well with love being foisted upon me, apparently. I would make a highly ungracious Regency romance heroine.
At my first RWA, my editor introduced me to Miranda Neville. I told her I’d liked her book but then couldn’t remember which one I’d read. Then I looked her up in my room, except I think I had her confused with Meredith Duran, and I saw the title of the book I’d liked. Then I ran into Miranda again at a party and told her which book I’d liked, and she said it wasn’t her book. Which, yes, because she’s not Meredith Duran. Then I stared at her boobs, turned red, and fled.*
*I have since read a book by Miranda Neville. It was excellent!
6. Why do new crystals self-organize into a lattice that is matched by all subsequent crystals of that type everywhere? [Or uh, how do you feel about Chemistry? Did you excel in science?]
They don’t get a choice, those crystals. They just do their thing.
[I can’t say that I have any chemistry feelings one way or the other. I got As in science because it was my job to get As in everything, lest the world explode, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me beyond the surface level of memorizing stuff. I do have a chemist sister-in-law who, when drunk, will wax on about chemistry in the most adorable way.]
7. Who are you choosing for your zombie apocalypse team? [Real, then fictional?]
My husband. He’s the only one I would need, because he puts the “P” in preparedness, and also he has given a lot of thought to the apocalypse.
If I had a fictional team, I would choose the father from Cormac McCarthy’s THE ROAD. Because (a) I have a little bit of a crush on him and (b) when the world blew up, he immediately filled the bathtub with fresh water. And that is the kind of intelligence one needs to survive the zombie apocalypse.
8. What would you put in your ideal candy bar? What would you put bacon on?
My ideal candy bar is like a really fresh, awesome Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, except in little candy-bar squares. Probably this already exists.
I’ve been a vegetarian for a long time, so I guess I’d put bacon on my first meal, post-apocalypse, because why the hell not?
9. What was your first job? Your most interesting one?
My first job was bussing tables at a Chinese restaurant in a strip mall. Most of the staff was Chinese and I had nightmares for weeks in which I bussed tables badly while being yelled at in Chinese (although this never happened in real life).
My most interesting job was as a camp counselor in Colorado. I became a certified rafting guide, rappelled, learned riflery, became life guard and first aid certified, got a great tan, figured out the meaning of exploitation, cleaned trash by the side of the road, and bruised my tailbone, all in the space of one summer. (Note to my ninteen-year-old self: This would also have been an excellent opportunity to sleep around.)
10. Which would you most like to go to? Ancient Greece, Rome, Egypt, China, Mesopotamia, Africa, or South America? Why?
Hmm. Is it okay if I don’t want to go any of these places? Because that is my actual answer.
11. If you had to be turned into a flower, what kind would you choose to be?
A small, not-so-smelly one. Clover?
12. What’s the first type of alcohol you ever tried to drink?
I think maybe beer? I’m pretty sure the first time I ever got drunk was on one of those spiked fruit punch things at a party that makes your gut hurt and turns half-naked dancing into a brilliant idea.
13. Do you collect anything? If yes, what is it, and why?
No. I don’t like to have things. The smallest number of things, please, for me.
Annnd because it’s my birthday bash month. 😀
14. What is something awesome that has to do with the number 2, or 20s. Either something that happened to you in your 20s, a 20th book milestone, etc.
At 20, I started grad school. At 29, I had a baby. In the middle I got a Ph.D. and got married. That’s a lot of awesomeness for one decade.
15. What’s the best birthday present you’ve ever received? What about the best birthday present you’ve ever given? How would your ideal birthday go?
When I turned 16, I got an ancient used Volkswagen Fox from my parents. That was a pretty awesome present — I drove that car for years. I once gave my husband 10 pounds of ginger candy for his birthday, which turns out to be a LOT of ginger candy. I’m not sure he appreciated it as much as I did.
On my ideal birthday, I get left alone to do whatever I want all day long, and also I have $500 in cash that I have to spend on something, and then at the end of the day there is informal drinking on a stoop and a lot of laughter that turns to cackling, and probably someone has a choking fit. Sex would be nice, too.
Ruthie is giving away a very special, signed paperback copy of Flirting With Disaster to one person who comments! How do you enter to win? Ask Ruthie a crazy question. The craziest you can think of. (Or you know, one relevant to her as an author and her books. Whatever. And feel free to ask as many questions as you like! There are no limits!)
So come on, that’s my challenge to you. Ask crazy fun questions, try to one up each other! Let’s have some fun and entertainment!