凤凰游 (The Phoenix Once Roamed) by 朝露何枯 (Zhāo Lù Hé Kū)
Historical Romance
In my youth, to save the crown prince, I became a demented princess, only knowing to follow him every day.
I once lost control of my bladder in public, causing him great shame.
The crown prince never showed disdain for me in public, but in private, he gripped my wrist, full of anger.
One day at a palace banquet, the emperor wanted to bestow a marriage upon me and asked which young man I fancied.
The crown prince’s jaw tightened.
Everyone thought I would ask to marry him.
Who knew I would bypass the crown prince, pointing to the Lord of Changguang in purple clothes, “I want to marry him.”
Ah-Man, though demented, has but one heartfelt desire.
I could not for the life of me find a cover of this book. I don’t even know how much the language barrier mattered – there wasn’t on on Novel Updates or on the translation site. I’d actually seen this story before but avoided it because it had a “tragedy” tag, and now I know why because I sobbed like a fucking baby while reading it. There were two things that pushed me to read it – first of all I’d read a few other shorts on this translation site, then one of the comments where it said FL likely has [some form of] “anterograde amnesia” not that she’s “demented” – I don’t know if the latter term is on the translator, or the author … and there’s a bit of a reason for why it isn’t made clear, at least not initially, but oof. I also read it because I was on a roll with heroines who were like “man fuck this guy” and had relationship glow ups, or at least didn’t chase after a [trash ass] man who didn’t want her. This story delivered on so many levels.
I don’t … know how to get into this book without spoilers, but I think even with some it’s worth reading? So anyway our heroine/female lead (FL) “Ah-Man” (I don’t think it ever gives her full name? Which this could be her name but I don’t think it is?) is a 郡主 (Jùn zhǔ) – basically a county princess, often the daughter of a second rank prince, but it’s also a title that can be bestowed upon a noble’s daughter or a meritorious woman. Due to an injury that caused brain damage, she can’t remember things, and is basically stuck at her twelve year old self. Her only friend is the crown prince. Initially people were kind and sympathetic to her. Seven years have passed since the incident. People then got impatient with her… and now they disdain her or are disgusted by her. The crown prince still stands by her, but… not entirely. He’s very constrained by status and society. Some of the cultural aspects I don’t understand, but basically he cares for her, but mostly to protect both her and himself tries to hide her away. She was bright and lovely, a genius, a “pearl of Luo Yang (the capital)” … but now she’s … this.
Our hero, male lead/ML thankfully is NOT the crown prince. He is the Lord of ChangGuang. His name of Yin Che and he’s the … uncle(?) of the crown prince. I really wish I could’ve found the raws (original text) because I wanted to know what words the author used for him, and also for the times in the translation it says Ah-Man is “demented.” Anyway, based on what I know of ancient culture and such, and from what very little is in the book, I’d say that Yin Che is a vassal king. He’s likely the younger brother of the current emperor, or some distant relative of the emperor who inherited his fiefdom. The Lord of ChangGuang basically gives zero shits about making friends or not offending people in the capital. He’s got his own status, and generally lives in Yan Zhou where he rules. He loves Ah-Man exactly as she is, and treats her well. He’s not going to smooth things over – if someone is shitty to or about her, he’s going to shut them up.
While writing this review I was browsing the story again, and came across these lines which made me cry:
In truth, I did not remember who the Lord of Changguang was.
Nor did I know if we truly had an agreement.
I only knew that in my daily record book, one sentence was highlighted in red, written on the first page, so I saw it every day.
“One day, if the Lord of Changguang comes to propose, go with him. The Prince of Changguang wears purple, don’t mistake him!”
I wrote that when I was fifteen.
If one day he truly comes, that is when Ah-Man should go!
There’s so much sweetness in this story, and so much that’s heartbreaking. Ah-Man has bursts of lucidity, but she can’t hang on to them. I can’t imagine having to deal with her condition – either as Ah-Man, or the people around her. Very few are kind to her. I know it must be frustrating, but also people are assholes. Hence my difficulty in describing this book. I loved that Yin Che gives Ah-Man a moment to shine, and sees the good in her. Ah-Man gets frustrated with herself too, but also every day is new because she literally can’t remember.
This is one of the times I really wish the story was longer – it would be so good developed further! But also it’s the perfect length. Readers are heartbroken, given sweetness, stabbed in the heart, given more sweetness, and you just have to read it yourself.
One thing – I don’t know how much of what the crown prince felt towards Ah-Man was genuine affection or love, vs. guilt and entanglement. Personally I felt it was more of the latter, or maybe just the author didn’t bother to explore what love there is. And … honestly it wasn’t needed either. He’s not our hero.
The Phoenix Once Roamed is an example of where I don’t know how much is due to translation – again, the use of “demented.” Because otherwise I felt the author dealt with Ah-Man and her condition very respectfully and beautifully. It’s realistic about her struggles, for her and the people around her. But also highlights her sweetness. One of the parts of Yin Che seeing the good in her, is also that she’s “pure” in that everyone and everything changes, but she remains the same. Instead of being annoyed or frustrated, he treats her condition as a delight – every time they “meet” is a wonderful experience. And I’m crying again.
There are of course more complicated plot points, but I really do hope you read this story. It took me less than thirty minutes to get through – and that’s counting all the time I spent grabbing for tissues. You might not be as affected, but that means you have no soul. Heh. I’m kidding … but not really. I know I’ll definitely be re-reading this story in the future, and that it’ll stick with me for a long time.
Grade: A
You can read the story here.
Song ChuZhao, who grew up in the border area and is unrivalled in her skills, exchanged “souls” with Gu FengJian, who lived in seclusion due to an injury in his childhood. Since then, the weak scholar Gu Wulang can ride a horse and draw a bow, and the unrestrained Song Sanniang can debate with scholars. Gu Fengjian was thinking about how to deal with it when he heard something knocking on the window pane from outside. The sound was very light and varied in pitch. It must be a stone. He walked out of the door silently, turned to the side, and sure enough, he saw the person who had been muttering just now on the high wall not far away. The two of them, one tall and one short, looked at each other from a distance, and showed extremely complicated expressions at the face that was extremely familiar to each other. Song Chuzhao’s voice trembled, and he tentatively asked: “Gu…Gu Wulang?” Gu Fengjian nodded quickly. Song Chuzhao was obviously relieved and adjusted [her] posture to make himself more stable. Gu Fengjian: “…” In his life, he never thought that his face would appear in a place like the top of the wall. – Translated from the original book page
She is the legitimate daughter of the Dou family who lost her mother at a young age. Her status is noble, yet she is like a floating duckweed in the wind, with a pitiable fate. Her past karma remains unfinished, and in this lifetime, she returns to the bustling world, leaving behind the past of the mortal realm, seeking only a peaceful and enduring life like a gentle stream flowing endlessly. But unexpectedly, fate plays tricks, the more she tries to escape, the more she becomes entangled in the mortal world.
Tang ShiShi was the number one beauty. She was arrogant, domineering and aggressive. She accidentally acquired a book and learned that she was just a vicious female second lead in a palace struggle. Later, she would fight for favor with the female lead, and eventually she was ruined and died miserably.