Tag Archives: Crazy Times

The Much Anticipated Return of The Romance Man

He really needs no introduction. So without further ado… The Romance Man!

This is my second guest post for Limecello and I am not going to write my original post about oral sex. All of you are women and it is unlikely you will be giving oral sex to another woman (although there is nothing at all wrong with that and maybe you should give it a try and then go on my blog and tell us about it) so it would be pointless. Instead I thought I would write about this new trend that is happening ever since Fifty Shades was published. Their are people out there actually drawing up sexual contracts so I decided I needed one with my wife to make sure I get the necessary lovin’ I need. After minutes of negotiations here is the final contract:

Lexie’s demands for RM

1. For every blow job you get you must take the kids to the park for 3 hours 2 hours
2. You must shave your face before sex to avoid vaginal irritation
3. If you want sex you must clean the kitchen and bathrooms first
4. You must sleep in the wet spot
5. If I have at least two orgasms I will get a towel and put it over the wet spot
6. If I have a clitoral and vaginal orgasm I will let you have the extra pillow
7. Don’t try and talk dirty. You suck at it and it makes you look stupid
8. If am on top of you and you yell “Yippy Kayay Mother Fucker” again sex will stop immediately
9. If we are having doggie style sex and you “accidentally” hit the wrong hole again sex will stop immediately
10. If you ever again talk to my pussy in the cookie monster voice I will hit you

RM’s demands for Lexie

1. You must assume the “present” position and pass before sex starts
1. You must fix me a sandwich after sex
1. You must help me fix a sandwich after sex
1. When I am fixing a sandwich after sex you must tell me where the mayonnaise is if I can’t find it
2. You must swallow
2. You must swallow sometimes
2. You must be in the same room as me when I have an orgasm
3. Every time I stroke your clit with my tongue you must count “one stroke, two strokes” etc and you have to say it like Count Dracula
3. After sex you must say “No one knows how to fuck like The Matador”
3 If you are sitting on my face you must pay attention to my face to make sure I am breathing
4. Whenever you are giving me a blow job you cannot neglect the balls
4. Every once in a while you must touch my balls
5. If I give you three or more orgasms you have to sleep in the wet spot
5. You must have sex with me whenever I want
5. You must have sex with me whenever you want

One of the cool things that has happened since I started this blog is all of the cool friends I have made. One of them is Kate Douglas and she lets me give away one of her books every time I guest blog. So leave a comment and win a copy of either Dream Bound or Crystalfire. The giveaway is international.

… I don’t even know what to say. Other than Lexie (The Romance Man’s Wife) is obviously a good sport. So what do you think? Have you written a Sex Contract? RM also told me this is what gave him the inspiration, in case you wanted to check it out.