Tag Archives: Laughs FTW

New ALBTALBS Ongoing Contest!

Hi friends! This is something I am totally excited about and really really hope works out. Of course, this is where I depend on you! So please, please, join me! It’ll be fun for everyone!

You know how I’ve been trying to think of some way to make the “Guest Author & A Giveaway” feature more special? I think I’ve done it! A few years ago, Mad and I came up with something silly when I had a contest idea while I was blogging at TGTBTU. I’m re-sharing what we wrote with Sybil’s blessings.

Dear Larissa,

Thank you so much for writing your Demon books. I’ve been following the Demonica series since the first one, PLEASURE UNBOUND was released, and I can’t tell you how glad I am that I found them.
An author is writing books that are specifically relevant to me! I, too, have my own special Demon who rocks my world. It’s so nice that you do too, and that you can understand where I’m coming from.
One of my problems with the series is when Wraith gave the Heofon to Kyran. Wraith would never have done such a thing because it would have been all about him and no one else. Why did you do that? You were wrong. Why would he do that?
And you’re wrong about Hell. I’ve been there. Satan is super cool. I’m going to tell him about your sucky books.
If I had more time, I’d tell you more about my Demon, but you don’t deserve to hear about him. I’m going to tell my demon to kick your demon’s ass the next time he sees him in hell.
I hope you learned your lesson. I’ll be looking for your next Demonica book, just to see if you did. Do not disappoint me in this. I do not like being disappointed.

Your #1 Fan

P.S. I’ve got my eyes on you.

And these were the two winning entries.

Dear Helen Kay,

Notice that I’m spelling your name the proper way. Why do you smash the Helen and Kay together? That’s really weird. Do you do it on purpose, or did your parents do that to you? Can they speak English?

Anyway, I wanted to write to you for advice. I keep trying to write a book but can never get past the first page. Can you help me? Maybe if you read my page you could give me advice. And don’t give me some bullshit legaleze about being unable to read unpublished work. No one has to know except you and me, and I’m totally trustworthy. I would never sue you, even if your next book was a complete ripoff of my ideas.

Thank you for your time, and I’m enclosing the page. Please read it. If you don’t, I’m going to make sure everyone knows how selfish you are, and no one will ever read your books again. (That’s not a threat, just a fact, because if you’re a selfish person, I just think people should know.)

Your fan,

Wanna Be

Followed by a generalized one:

Dear HelenKay Dimon, Larissa Ione, Jaci Burton, and Lauren Dane.

I know you receive a lot of fan mail. Some of it questionable. However, I am not a nutjob. I read your books, I put them up and other than sacrificing a newborn kitten every year on the release date, they stay on the keeper shelf waiting to be re-read.

I’m writing today about Limecello

For years now I’ve read her blog. Her reviews make my change purse jingle. Sometimes she’s made my Amazon account sob. And ooo the times I’ve giggled!! Even when she gets snippy and tart she’s still a wonderful blogger gal.

So in her honor I’m sending you this list of things to make out of limecello…

With Limecello juice you can make:
Lime Pie
Lime Marinade to soak meat in

With any jiggly bits:
Lime Jello Mold

Crunchy bits:
Crispy Lime Cookies
Lucious Lime Crusty Chicken

So for the sweet, savory, jiggly and the crusty end this letter with a heartfelt appeal to you. Please Authors, send me Limecello’s address so I can GPS her and squeeze the juice outta her. Feel free to roll her around on the countertop to soften her up before I get there.


Freaky Fruit Freak

These are just examples to let you know how ridiculous and hilarious you can be. The crazier, the better.

Now you’re (hopefully laughing) but also asking what is supposed to be crazy and wacky?! CRAZY FAN LETTERS!!! Yes! I’m bringing it back!

So each month, the Guest Author & A Giveaway author will be the subject. 😀 Yes, you will write the craziest, nuttiest, most stalkertastic fan letter possible to the “author of the month.” You don’t have to have read the author before – the authors websites should have sufficient information for you to come up with something. I just want to make sure everyone knows that everyone can enter each one.

It’s of course all new, so lots of material there. I’m thinking that I am going to keep the contest open until the 20th of each month – to give people enough time to enter. And we’ll see about prizes. I’m still debating if there should be a monthly one, a big annual one, or both. (Or maybe the author herself might pick one she loves.) But the point is, lots of fun and lots of laughs. And the additional incentive of some sort of prize! Maybe a $25 gift card and whatever contributory prizes I pick up along the way? [Sorry – but I’m poor. Like, literally painfully below poverty poor XD – so maybe life will be nice and I can offer a huge awesome prize. We can cross our fingers. But for now, it’s not determined.]

Nobody knows. But I’m excited about it. Are you with me?!

Incidentally, first up will be Jennifer Haymore. 😀 And now I have to go update the calendar… now to decide whether I delete the previous years info, or somehow bury/archive it… Thoughts?

Don’t worry – I’ll have more information soon on how I want you to enter. (Where to send the fan letter email, what the subject should be, and so on. And since I’m mean, I obviously reserve the right to automatically disqualify any and all incorrectly addressed entries.) 😀 I expect I’ll either be creating a new page for this, or adding it to one of those already in existence. Don’t worry – I’ll let you know!

Merry Christmas! <3

Hee – I hope you all have a lovely, wonderful day.

And, that you embrace the *kitsch. ;D See? 😀

*I … just could not resist the hideous glitter text. Could. Not.

**ETA in 2020: Since it disappeared on me … clearly based on context, the original message was glitter text … with a link: http://fotos.fotoflexer.com/bee8e7bdb65ab180e847f07ccbf9eeff.gif – fotoflexer actually disappeared for a year or more, and is back. But without the old edits. Which concerns me as many things on the blog might be broken. Alas. 🤷🏻‍♀️