Tag Archives: Randomness

She Whose Name Must Not Be Written (Contest!)

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I currently feel like scooping my eyeballs out with a spoon. Which means it’s the perfect time for me to write a potentially angry and controversial post, right? (You see why I cultivate this “I’m so stupid” persona? Perhaps it’s not a persona, in fact. What if it’s true? Well that’d be crushing and I don’t want to think about it.) Side note: if you ever want to read one of my posts that isn’t crazy rambling all over the place, go find me at Heroes and Heartbreakers. There, I’m edited. Here, I’ve just got me. And I won’t tell you how very much that’s not going to happen.

There has been a lot of grumpiness on the internet lately, and well, socially. In various areas. In romance world, most notably the Susan G Komen gaffe, and then the former MTM contest. No need to discuss that here as elsewhere they’ve been covered [possibly ad nauseum]  – but I do think it’s quite healthy to “vent one’s spleen.” So I’m giving us a venue here, and in all good fun.

Remember when I whined about people not “using my name” in correspondence? Well, first of all – I’m not going to change my name. I actually thought long and hard about when I chose Limecello, and I’ve been using it for ~six years. It’s staying, come hell or high water, and people can just fucking deal. (Or not deal with me. That’s perfectly fine too.)

I’m not saying everyone has to be “formal” all the time or use polite address and all. I think it’s an issue when one is trying to be (or attempting, regardless of success, to be) professional. I mean there are multiple options. “To Whom It May Concern.” “Dear owner of Limecello/A Little Bit Tart, A Little Bit Sweet.” You know. “Dear Limecello – incidentally, what is your name?” And that’s only based on the initiation. I mean, people don’t always sign or start emails with “an address” – that’s fine. You know how sometimes you can just tell a person has a problem with you/doesn’t like you/thinks they’re superior? Yeah. That.

Megan Hart said I could just ask these persons if they have a problem with my name. I could. That’d be reasonable.

But I don’t feel like being reasonable. I feel like being young/acting my age [possibly younger!], a brat, and whatever. I think part of it is that these people are approaching me. In person, at conferences, and so on when it’s more “random” – I do give options. I actually introduce myself as Limecello, but based on a person’s reaction I give them options. I can’t see someone’s initial reactions via email. I can, however, based on continued correspondence, see if someone is a twat. (And I’m applying this to both females and males.)

So I’m going to make fun of them. And you know, myself in a way. (That makes it more fair, right?)

I want to hear reasons why someone has a problem with the name “Limecello” or addressing a person [me, obviously in this case] as Limecello. Do you think there was a mafioso named Limecello who came in destroyed this person’s family? An alien visitation wherein the extraterrestrial identified him/herself/itself as Limecello?

A horrible case of food or alcohol poisoning that somehow was traced to a batch of Limecello?

What? Entertain me! What’s the most convincing yet entertaining reason someone might refuse to address me as Limecello?

This is a continuation of the previous contest – so I’ve already got entries from Jen B., Cheryl aka inneedofvodka, Paula, Pam, Liz, June M., kiwi1124, Jane, myrandaroyann, Cathy P, Mary Kirkland, and Raonaid Luckwell. The best/most entertaining comments wins!

p.s. – If I was really clever/had the time and inclination I’d photoshop (and assuming I had that program/capability) a photo of Voldemort but make him a lime 😀

Random Guest: Juniper Bell!

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Today, we have author Juniper Bell visiting with us! She answered my twitter call/plea, and I’m so glad to have her here! You’ll see she has a sense of humor. (And not just because she lives in Alaska. ;)) Also – there’s nothing really for me to add at the end, but I’m fascinated by what you’ll think or have to say!

I’d like to thank Limecello for having me on her blog today. It’s my first time here, and she practically dared me to write something that would offend her and get me banned from her blog. Actually, her exact words were, “please don’t take that as a dare.” That’s a dare, right? Or did I misunderstand?

So I’d better come up with a shocking topic, like the ins and outs of m/m/m/f/m vampire-zombie sex with water balloons. Or something truly offensive, like pairing brown shoes with black pants, or whether dreadlocks work on Caucasians. (I’m fine with both those things, by the way.) Or maybe something really disturbing, something writers hate to discuss in public, the thing we dread, the thing that will give us night terrors and stomach cramps. And that is …

When books tank.

It feels funny to confess that not all of my books are outrageous financial successes. And I hope this topic isn’t TOO offensive. Discussing money always feels weird. Especially in the context of a creative endeavor like writing books. And please don’t think I only care about sales. Far from it. I’m just a working stiff trying to figure out how to make my way in this crazy business.

I have seven books out now, with an eighth book contracted. Some have sold quite well. Others not so much. (It’s all relative, of course. My “quite well” is probably someone else’s worst-selling book. And my “not so much” might look darn good to someone else. I only know my own bottom line.)

The scary part is, I have no clue why some books have outperformed others. Is it quality? Did I simply do a crappy job? I hope not. I aim to put out my best every single time. But I’m no judge. I have to go by reviews, which are no help, since some of my best-reviewed books are the worst sellers. And vice versa.

Is it theme? Nope. I write a lot of ménage. Some do well, some don’t. Publisher? Not in any clear-cut way. Degree of explicitness? I wish – that would be easy to figure out. But no. Cover? Blurb? Annoying heroine? Setting? A glut of that particular genre? Biorhythms? Planetary alignment? To really know why one book is jumping off shelves – or onto Kindles — and another isn’t, I suppose I’d have to question every single person who considered buying the book but didn’t.

Great. Not only is that impossible, it might be hard on my ego.

So then I’m left with the dilemma of figuring out how much sales, or lack thereof, should affect my writing. Should I try to determine what didn’t work, sales-wise, in a certain book, and never repeat it? Or should I just continue writing the stories that come to me, without worrying about how well they do? I want to learn from my experiences, but I also want to make sure I’m learning the right things.

It’s a quandary, and something I never thought about before I got published – mostly because I figured I’d be thrilled if even one person bought one of my books. And I am. Thrilled and grateful. But putting out a book is a lot of work, and not just for me. Editor, line editor, cover designer, publisher, etcetera. I want all that work to count as much as possible.

If you’re a reader, don’t worry about a thing. Just keep buying the books you want to read. (Shameless promo alert. *You can’t go wrong with any of my books, if you ask me.* Okay, that’s over.) But if you have insight to share, bring it on. If you’re a writer, I’d love to know how you handle a release that doesn’t set the world on fire. Do you try to figure out why, or do you just move on?

There you have it, Limecello. The blog topic that dare not speak its name. Not too offensive, right?

Juniper Bell writes erotic romance for Samhain and Ellora’s Cave. She’s best known for her Receptionist series. Her next release is Beautiful Obsession from Ellora’s Cave, which she’s absolutely convinced is going to sell like crazy. You can find her at her website, or on Facebook and Twitter as @AuthorJuniper.